Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Top 10 Things That Will Forever Baffle Me About Teenagers

...in no logical order...

10. They use the excuse "I didn't know it was due" regardless of the fact that I told them the due date multiple times, wrote it on the white board in 2 places, typed it on the assignment sheet, posted it on the high school's class pages website, and sent a Remind 101 text directly to their phones the night before.

9. Somehow they have "no time" for homework on the weekends because of overbooked schedules, yet they can complete an entire season of [insert TV show here] on Netflix on that SAME weekend.

8. They choose the best time to sharpen pencils, blow noses, throw away tiny pieces of trash, or hand me a late pass usually in the middle of a lecture I am giving to a class. (also, on a side note, according to a teenager, the BEST way to throw away a piece of paper is to a crumple it in to a ball and pretend they are making their pro basketball debut with the trash can as the basket. 9/10 times they miss and make an embarrassing excuse for their lack of paper-basketball skills)

7. The best time to ask "I was gone yesterday, what did I miss?" is in the middle of my lecture as well. I especially love when they raise their hand, and thinking they are going to add a bit of intelligent input I call on them, only to hear, "What'd I miss yesterday?"

6. They think I don't know when I am being derailed from the day's lesson. Trust me, kids, when I get on a rant about something (like a funny personal high school story) it's usually because I know the lesson plan I have for the day won't cover the whole class period.

5. They ask for extra credit when they have literally done the bare minimum that was asked of them, i.e, "I turned my homework in on time, do I get extra credit?"

4. The likeliness that their computer/printer will "break" or "won't work" the night before a paper is due is 10 times that of the average person (for some strange reason).

3. On a more light-hearted note, no matter what age--freshmen through seniors--they are completely motivated by an arbitrary system I have created called "cool points" where, if I deem something a student does as "cool" they can write their name on the "cool point board." That's it. No extra credit. No candy. Just their name on a board:

2. They try ridiculous schemes in order to hide their cell phones from me. There's the old "backpack on the desk" to hide the cellphone in their hand, or the phone in their giant text books which they just happen to be reading with the textbook propped vertically on the table, and of course, the classic cellphone in the lap. The best is "my mom is texting me, can I text back?"

1.  Regardless of the grade, they will forever be confused and transfixed by the idea of the paragraph. "How many sentences is a paragraph, Miss B?" They are convinced that the amount of sentences has increased since middle school.  It doesn't matter what the assignment is, I must always set specific sentence guidelines.


Tim said...

haha, it's reassuring to know that the old tricks are constantly being iterated on. pretty soon, i'm sure "the cloud was down" is going to replace "my printer was busted".

Lisa Baird said...

Well you could have chose elementary ed and contended with snotty noses, untied shoelaces, gassy classrooms, and the occasional "wet" chair!

Kimberly Behnke said...

You forgot to post about kids who raise their hands and wave them emphatically as if you don't see them.

Laurie Harmon said...

Love it! Every one is SPOT ON!

Amy Emerson said...

I find it amazingly ironic that I just did a facebook post about #10 BEFORE reading this! I do feel better now though!!! ;-)

Tim Baird said...

I still have trouble with the paragraph thing. My current approach to making them is when I'm tired of looking at several sentences in a row, and just need some white space.

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